Sad! Birthday Reminders Only Notifications on Loser's Facebook

Sad! Birthday Reminders Only Notifications on Loser's Facebook

Being the sad speck of a human that he is, CAS junior and loser nerd Jared Fagina reportedly went crying to his mom wailing that the only notifications he ever receives on Facebook are about people’s birthdays.

The sociology major, born with a bad case of butt ugly, told reporters that he’s done everything he possibly can to get more recognition on the popular social network, but that nothing has worked.

“I really don’t get it,” said the grade-A loser when the fact that he’s a loser is really not that hard to get. “I’ve posted selfies with cool filters and captions that sound insightful. I’ve written long winded posts about how biased is the media and how Trump supporters are all racists. I’ve posted pictures of me with poor kids in Africa, and I even said I got engaged one time, just to see if someone noticed. I did all that and nothing. No likes, no comments, no shares, nothing. I didn’t even get a candy crush invite. Fucking candy crush.”

The complete and utter outcast added that when he did the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge none of the people that he challenged responded or even bothered to like his video. Sources report that one of the people that he challenged was actually his mom.

“I love Jared very much, and I am proud of him,” said Ms Fagina through clenched teeth. “I definitely do not regret having him.”

Breaking: Gallatin Sophomore Describes Concentration in 500 Page Poem

Breaking: Gallatin Sophomore Describes Concentration in 500 Page Poem

White Guy Living in Dumpster Wondering Where He Can Sign Up for That White Privilege Everyone Talking About

White Guy Living in Dumpster Wondering Where He Can Sign Up for That White Privilege Everyone Talking About