Breaking: Sophomore Still Using Trump Win As Excuse to Miss Class

Breaking: Sophomore Still Using Trump Win As Excuse to Miss Class

Saying that he is still emotionally incapable of processing the cataclysmic failure of the democratic process that just transpired, NYU Sophomore Tyler Thomas told all of his professors early Monday morning that he is still going to be unable to regularly attend lectures as he is still grieving that Donald Trump became the president.

The straight American white guy, who comes from a rich suburban neighborhood from Richmond, Virginia and is in absolutely no immediate danger from any of the policies being pushed by the Trump administration, sent an email to his Math for Econ II professor explaining that he would unfortunately not be able to complete any of his Webassigns in time because he is still coping with the severe trauma triggered when the election did not go the way that he expected.

The poor creature added that even if Trump were miraculously impeached from the highest office, he thinks it would still take him a lot of time to reach full functioning emotional stability because he will still suffer greatly for: the oppressed people of North Korea, the war-torn Congo, and all the kingdoms conquered by Genghis Khan a thousand years ago.

White Guy Living in Dumpster Wondering Where He Can Sign Up for That White Privilege Everyone Talking About

White Guy Living in Dumpster Wondering Where He Can Sign Up for That White Privilege Everyone Talking About

‘I’d Like You to Turn in Your Papers a Month After the Deadline,’ Says Professor in Student’s Interpretation of Academic Policy

‘I’d Like You to Turn in Your Papers a Month After the Deadline,’ Says Professor in Student’s Interpretation of Academic Policy